The last year has been one of tremendous exposure for the trans community; most of it positive and sadly some of it, tragic. Courageous individuals such as Orange is the New Black’s Laverne Cox; activist and author of Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More, Janet Mock; and widely publicized former Olympian and reality television star Caitlin Jenner have each bravely shared their stories; stories that similarly reflect a desire and necessity to live authentically. Just as other civil rights movements before, Western society is now slowly transitioning towards an understanding of the trans identity, the most recent frontier in social justice and equality. But with social change, there is often backlash. Countless trans women of colour have been murdered and for many trans individuals, the climate of transphobia is so inequitable that nearly half attempt suicide at some point in their lives. (source)
Why is it that we struggle with difference? Ultimately we are all different from one another. We may share the same sex, gender, skin colour, country of origin, faith, sexual orientation and even family but each of these aspects of our identity are experienced by and therefore mean something different to everyone. If the challenge is accepting one another’s differences, congratulate yourself because every person you have presently let into your life is different than you. The real question then becomes: Why are some people’s differences “too different” to gain our acceptance?
As a psychotherapist specializing in sexuality and gender, I frequently support these individuals, those that society has difficulty accepting. These clients struggle with misogyny, transmisogyny, homophobia and transphobia. Often experienced as either internalized, meaning that the individual struggles with hating or resenting this aspect of their identity, or as a form of systemic discrimination from within society. Consequently, therapy frequently focuses on acceptance, forgiveness and resiliency.
Acceptance of who you are. Learning to not only accept your unique identity but to embrace it. You are more than the sum of the parts of your identity. No one is a “true” man, a “true” woman, a “true” heterosexual. These are made up constructs used only to limit you.
Forgiveness of those who have and those who will discriminate against you. We are a species slow to adapt. Although change can prove difficult for some, it is possible. Forgiveness of self, for when you lose your way from who you know yourself to be authentically.
Resiliency, the ability to bounce back in response to rejection or defeat; one of the most powerful tools I share with my clients. Current research shows reliably that resiliency is one of the defining differences between those who struggle and those who thrive. (source)
Living with a minority identity is often challenging, and resiliency is how we will change the world, if not one mind at a time.
– Christopher Shillington