Living in fear is a terrible way to be. It seems I am encountering people who are experiencing this more and more often. Anxiety is the fear of the future. It is when we go to the worst place of an unknown event. It is when the anticipation of something in the future feels scary and suffocating and has us coming up with a million reasons and ways to avoid experiencing it. Stress is the most common symptom of anxiety and we feel that in our bodies as well as our minds. Stress can present in many ways, both physically and emotionally.
Anxiety is based on fear. This is commonly exploited in all kinds of ways in our lives. Think about it. Horror stories and films have been using the idea of “what’s behind the door?” for as long as there have been stories and films. If we knew what was behind the door, we wouldn’t be scared of it. The idea of the “unknown” is what fuels our fear. Industries have made a tidy living off exploiting our fear of the unknown. Industries such as: insurance, military, news, pharmaceutical, advertising, healthcare are just some of the billion dollar businesses that thrive on our anxieties. We live in an environment that is anxiety ridden and the advent of social media spreads news so quickly, it is a wonder we aren’t all curled up in a fetal position 24/7. Anxiety sits on a spectrum and not all anxiety is bad. Very often anxiety is a positive motivator in our lives. For instance, if you’re having company over for a visit, you might clean your house for fear of people thinking you a slob. Deadlines of tasks are often the motivating factor for people to complete tasks at work or school for fear of failure. Social expectations often help people leave their home or try new things when they otherwise wouldn’t venture out of their homes, preventing isolation. On the other end of the spectrum, anxiety can be debilitating and prevent people from living full, meaningful lives.
The first thing I want to say about anxiety is that we come by it honestly. Besides the above stated factors, we all have grown up in a diversity of environmental factors that contribute to our anxieties. Family, school, work, friends, urban or rural upbringing, country of origin and residence and religion are just a few of the cultural factors that contribute to our levels of anxiety. When you think about the fact that we all are a compilation of all of our experiences up to this point, it is difficult to pinpoint where exactly the genesis of our anxieties began. I’m not always convinced that it’s important to know. What is important is to recognize them.
I’m a big believer in all change beginning with awareness. If you feel that you are struggling with anxiety, it would be beneficial for you to notice when it is happening. Just that. Is it associated with a person? An event? A place? A time? It might also be helpful to notice where you experience it. Is it always in your head? On your body? Where on your body? Are you restless? Angry? Do you feel like running away? Try to notice this. It will be difficult. But after you start to notice, you will find noticing becomes easier and easier.
There are several ways to help with symptoms of anxiety. The simplest way is to stop what you are doing (if you are able to) and breathe. Notice your breath. Breathe in through your nose, hold it for a couple of seconds and then slowly breathe out through your mouth. Doing this for even a minute will help settle you. Many of the clinicians at Urban Wellness are acquainted with stress and anxiety reliving methods. Please inquire as you see fit.
Another simple exercise is to question your anxiety. Think about the consequence of where your anxiety is taking you and challenge yourself to the realism of this. Very often we can look to past examples of experiences to settle ourselves. If, for example, you are feeling anxious about public speaking, you can go over past experiences of public speaking successes to calm yourself down. Speaking to someone about your anxiety is also very effective. In most cases, the mere act of venting brings relief to people. The added benefit is that you might also hear some good advice or even better, empathy.
The one bit of advice that is always effective is to try and be kind to yourself. I know this is really challenging, but if you can try and treat yourself the same way you treat your friends, you might be able to allow some self-compassion. But most importantly, remember that everyone experiences anxiety. You are not alone. You don’t have to suffer. You can manage it successfully.
– Jordan Lewis, MSW RSW, Psychotherapist