Strategies for coping when you feel you can’t.
By Jordan Lewis, Registered Psychotherapist
As we roll into summer, we can’t help but notice the flowers in full bloom, kids playing at the parks, dogs walking lazily in the heat, music playing on the street. The sunshine on our faces provides us with a serotonin boost and the warm nights beckon us to enjoy them.
Despite all of this, you may struggle to feel happy. And you may wonder why that is. You recognize all that the summer has to offer; you are constantly reminded the summer is when you are to appreciate all the good things. But still, you just don’t feel like attending that BBQ or going for that walk or brunching on a patio. You may even feel guilty for not appreciating the beautiful weather and may question if something is wrong with you.
It can feel especially difficult in the summer to experience a low mood. Everything and everyone around us are telling us that this is the time of year to feel good, and we look to ourselves to understand why we don’t. We ask: “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I appreciate the seasonal splendor that everyone else seems to be enjoying? Am I depressed? If I can’t enjoy summer, can I enjoy anything?”
These are all reasonable questions and important ones to ask. However, just because your mood is low, it does not mean that you have any serious clinical issues that you need to be concerned about. I think it’s important to understand some external factors that impact all of us and can greatly affect our moods.
Bigger than you
We experienced a global pandemic that shut down the world for the better part of three years. We all experienced this collectively and individually, but the impact still lingers in significant ways. Not only has it affected us financially, as evidenced at the grocery store or gas pump, but also in many other impactful ways. Many people experienced lost employment and/or reduced earnings, coupled with increased utility expenditures and basic costs of living.
To compound matters, the social cost was also powerful. Isolation became a factor that most people experienced and struggled with. The fear of Covid quickly transitioned into anger and finger-pointing online, which has only intensified. Now it feels that our society has made many things we have taken for granted into a culture war. Opinion has blurred fact, and the simple concept of research has taken a beating. Lest we forget there’s also climate change and the threat of recession. Is it any wonder that most of us are struggling with our moods and our ability to cope?
Slowing it All Down
As a psychotherapist, I have been working with clients and their issues for many years. I have seen the impact that world events have on people, and how coping has been attempted and maintained.
It feels as though life is overwhelming for most everyone these days. As we all try to survive in this world, often we feel swamped by all the things we must accomplish in a day, week, month, year. It is hard to ease up and remember that we are in a marathon, not a race. There are many things that affect us daily that are truly out of our control. It is important for us to recognize this and challenge ourselves to remember that we can make a positive impact on our lives every day.
One of the crucial things to remember is to try to slow down. When life feels overwhelming, we tend to feel that we are drowning and there will be no relief. I often advise people to adopt strategies that work for them to slow down and try and focus on the present. There is plenty of research that proves that slowing down the mind will reduce anxiety and depression.
In your life, you have experienced good and bad times. You recognize that there are times when you feel hopeless and helpless. And you also realize that there are times when you felt things were going great, and you were on top of the world. But it’s difficult to remember the good when you are amid the bad. I often say that the best predictor of the future is the past. If you can remember that life always has ups and downs, you will know that the bad times are only temporary. You will be your greatest source for this. Even if the memory is small and distant, it still works. Maybe you remember a wonderful compliment you received; a kiss from a dog; an offer of a job; going on vacation. You know you have experienced joy, and I promise you can again.
Talking to Someone
Another useful intervention is to express yourself to someone. When we are overwhelmed, it can feel like we are all alone. Speaking to someone will often relieve you of the burden that these feelings and issues are specific to only you. The truth is most problems are relatable, and having someone validate and acknowledge what you are going through will help alleviate you of this burden of feeling alone.
In my experience, talking with a professional always helps. Sometimes we feel that we don’t want to overwhelm our friends or loved ones when things feel like they are too much. A good therapist will be non-judgmental, empathetic, and will make you feel comfortable and validated.
There are many different styles of therapists out there. Take your time to shop around and find one with whom you feel is a good fit. Trust your intuition. When you make a good connection, you will feel it and will notice a positive change in your life. We are here to support you and help when you feel there is no help.
Within Your Reach
Summertime is simply a season. There is no mandate that you must feel a specific way. Maybe you prefer winter, fall or spring. It doesn’t matter. You feel how you feel. But no matter what the season, you should not struggle with feeling badly all the time. Life can be wonderful and joyful. Maybe not constantly, but often enough that you can appreciate it and feel hopeful. And don’t forget ice cream. Ice cream will always make you feel good!